Zeynep's (mis)Adventures in Ruritania

arise, oh people, let us hear your voices... your voices of freedom.

Saturday, February 5

blinding lights

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I think the fact that next month marks a whole year away from home is keeping my mind from relaxing.

Last night I woke up around 2 AM. Not sure why, possibly a bad dream, but I decided to get up for a while. I walked downstairs to find Lorenzo standing in the kitchen, drinking some water. He looked like he had just come inside.

"Did you sneak out to the camp tonight?" I asked.

"I don't think that's any of your business, Zeynep," he responded.

"We're both adults here, Lorenzo. I'm not going to report your behaviour to your father, don't worry."

"You have grown up, then, huh?" he said with a tone in his voice that brought back childhood memories to us both. "Um... listen... sorry about snapping at you just now, I've just been on edge."

"No problem," I said, grabbing myself a glass of water as well.

"Do you wanna smoke?" he asked, pulling a few cigarettes out of his pocket.

"Oh, no thanks, I don't smoke."

"Do you want to keep me company while I do?"

"Sure."

I grabbed the first coat I could find and we went outside, sitting down on the little porch that greets our front door. Lorenzo lit his cigarette and asked me how I've been for the past 4 or 5 years. Usually a question like that is hard to answer in a sentence or two, but last night, it was easy: "Basically, I finished high school, started uni, and then moved here." I asked him the same question back.

"Well, I finished high school as well, but I somehow got my mom and dad to agree to let me take a year off and work."

"Didn't you want to go to uni?" I asked.

"I didn't know what I wanted to study, so I thought instead of taking a bunch of classes to see what I find interesting, I may as well just make some money. Maybe move out of the house," he drew in some smoke. "So, I got a job at a restaurant... as a bus boy," he exhaled it. "I was planning on working my way up the ladder... become a waiter, possible manager."

"What happened?"

"I made friends with one of the cooks. He was young, like me, and he was full of ambition... he hated the Brn with a passion. When I first got to know him, I wasn't up to date with everything that was going on between our people and the Brn. But, Zed, he knew everything. And he educated me, and every day I grew more and more angry with the Brn and their politics of oppression. Zed was the main breadwinner in his family since his dad was detained years earlier, and he was working to support his mom and siblings. So, after saving up, he told me one day that he was ready to go join the ZPF, and that's when I realized this was a great opportunity for myself."

"How did you find them?"

"Zed knew people who helped us officially join the organization."

And then from here, he told me about many of his experiences out in the field, plotting against the Brn, praying for Zaharian freedom, training for "battle". He worked his way through our conversation in a surprisingly strong chronological fashion, smoking another cigarette or two. And then, he told me the story of how he came home.

"One night, Zed, a few others, and myself planned to go to Hamraville and free his father and the countless other Zaharians from detention. We took a less travelled road to try and make our way to the capital... I had never been before. We had bombs and guns, and I was in the back of the van we were using, trying to get everything in order. Our driver announced that we were ten kilometers from the city limits, and that's when shit went down."

"What happened?"

"I heard a siren of a Brn cop vehicle, and then a few warning shots fired into the air. I ducked down as the driver slammed on the brakes, and then he and another guy grabbed some guns and went out to start shooting at the Brn. Just before they stepped out of the van, they yelled at the rest of us to grab some ammo and then run for it. Zed and I left, shooting in the police's general direction, running away, while we each took a bullet. As we kept running, we heard the gun fire start to slow downed. Zed wanted to slow down, as he was shot in the thigh and it was hurting him. I told him we had to keep going so that we could hide somewhere. And that's when Zed fell to the ground after he was shot for a second time, this time in the back. I think it went right to his heart because he was dead instantly. I removed his personal items so that the Brn couldn't find them, and then I kept running."

Where were you shot?"

"In my left shoulder. It didn't slow me down too much, though it ached incredibly. I passed out in some forest-like area, and I woke up several hours later. I had lost quite a bit of blood by this point, so I was feeling weak. I ripped a part of my shirt off and tied it around my wound as best as I could. I ended up walking along the St. Catherine River to figure out my way back to Zaharia. Once I had reached the outskirts of Zaharia, I ended up hitchhiking my way back to the city."

"Were you nervous when the gun fire started?"

"I was nervous even before we were Brn ambushed. This was the most dangerous mission the ZPF was trying to undertake, ever. We were hopeful we would succeed, but I think we started our journey each expecting to die. We just wanted to get more attention to our struggle, no matter how our mission was going to end, you know? But then once things got complicated, I realized that I should try my hardest to live, so that I could rejoin the ZPF. But, for the moment, I knew I needed to go back home."

"Whoa. That is quite the a story," I said in disbelieve. My own cousin was willing to die for the Zaharian cause. I was having trouble thinking of something more to say in response to Lorenzo's opening up to me... I was so stunned with his entire no emotion showing display that no thoughts were coming to mind. "I'm glad you're still alive."

"Me too," he said, smiling slightly.

"Are you going to rejoin the ZPF?" I asked bravely.

"Not for a long time. I'm still a member, and I'm still as pissed off as I was from my first day in the organization... but I can't just run off from my family again."

"Yeah, I think it's better if you stay, as well," I responded. "Well, I need to get back to bed."

"I need to go to bed," he said, laughing a bit. I was happy to see that he was showing some more signs of life.

He finished his last cigarette, and then we both stood up to go back inside. He went to open the door, and then paused. "Everything I told you tonight, my family doesn't even know all those details..."

"Gotcha," I said smiling. "Your ZPF life is safe with me."

"Good. Oh, and I did go to the camp tonight. But only to get some smokes... I don't want to be involved with the ZPF at all for the next little while. I'm waiting to see how this conflict plays out." He then opened the door and we went inside. I went to up to my room, and fell asleep instantly upon my head making contact with my pillow.