the sun

I couldn't sleep last night.

Instead I stayed awake, staring at a cold, dark ceiling, pondering years past, evaluating our current situation.

I remembered the milestones of being a child. Losing my first tooth, starting high school, learning how to drive, getting my first job. I was starting to become my own person. Even though I was still living at home, I was in college. I would have been moving out on my own shortly... possibly just after graduation. I had plans. I had a ton of them.

But then all my hopes and dreams get put on hold.

A part of me clings very tightly to my Zaharian roots. I love being Zaharian, I want my people to be free of the Brn, and flourish independently. I love the stories our elders tell us. I love our culture, our traditions, the things that set us apart. I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, being Zaharian in my times also means growing up with hesitation toward the Brn. They hate us, we hate them. There's nothing more simple or more complicated than that.

And then there's another part of my thoughts that emerged for the first time last night. Suddenly, I realized how ridiculous this whole situation is. You know, killing, war, guns, hatred and the lot. Of course I'll never admit this to my family, but it made me think that, perhaps if others came to this conclusion (and not just Zaharians, but Brn, etc.) then maybe it will help things resolve more quickly. Finally, I fell asleep.

I woke up in a surprisingly happy mood... the first time in months.